By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
