Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize