im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
