I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Randomize
