I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
