I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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