I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
