I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
