I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
