I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We need to get me chipped asap
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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