I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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