Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
