Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
