yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
