Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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