After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
