thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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