Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
