i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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