You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
