last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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