Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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