Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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