I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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