Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize