I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Houston, we have a blender
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
