The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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