Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
