sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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