i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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