Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
