And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
