I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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