very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the condom got lost in my hair
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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