I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I FOUND THE LEGS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
