i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
