Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
