Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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