frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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