Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
