So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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