I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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