I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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