I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
