You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
