Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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