All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
