don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
