my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
