i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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