If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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