need another drink. this is the easiest way
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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