two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
