I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
