idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
