Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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