We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
