Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize