i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
