Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Drunk is not a location!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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