You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
