seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize