my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
