so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
