I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize