i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
