just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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