I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
