question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
