i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
