party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
