i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
