Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
