im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
