yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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