I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
