I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
