you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
