haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
