i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
